It is a time of freedom and fear, of Gaia and of borders, of many paths and the widening of a universal toll road, emptying country and swelling cities, of the public bought into privacy and the privacy of the public sold into invisible data banks and knowing algorithms. It is the time of the warrior's peace and the miser's charity, when the planting of a seed is an act of conscientious objection.

These are the times when maps fade and direction is lost. Forwards is backwards now, so we glance sideways at the strange lands through which we are all passing, knowing for certain only that our destination has disappeared. We are unready to meet these times, but we proceed nonetheless, adapting as we wander, reshaping the Earth with every tread.

Behind us we have left the old times, the standard times, the high times. Welcome to the irregular times.


 
In a press conference at the Pentagon today, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld sought to dispel the notion that the Bush Administration in any way condoned torture as an instrument of American foreign policy.

"Gee, might it look to some people as though the prisoners at Abu Ghraib were being tortured? Yes. Would such a conclusion be completely wrong-headed? You bet it would be," Rumsfeld remarked. Continuing in his soliloquy, Rumsfeld raised his eyebrows and said, "It appears to me that some members of the media have come to faulty conclusions based on some kind of worst-case interpretation of those prison photos. I am disappointed if not surprised. So please allow me to disabuse you, if you will, of some of your sillier notions."

"You see, far from being the documentation of torture, these are vacation snaps taken as mementos for our visitors by the Abu Ghraib activities director. We're sure that our visitors would want to remember their visit to the first American-financed spa in the entire Middle East. That's right, spa. Those hoods you see on detainees' heads? Aromatherapy sacks. We put in some jimson, rosemary and frankincense along with some essential oils and voila! A portable relaxation kit. The pyramid of naked men? Well, that's just Greco-Roman wrestling -- in the old style, if you know what I mean. The gentleman standing on a box with wires is working on balancing his desires in a sweatlodge session, with electrodes attached for monitoring purposes to help him achieve his optimal heartrate. And the dogs? As I'm sure you're all aware, numerous studies have shown the benefit of special time with pets. We tried to arrange for dolphin encounters, but I'm sure you understand that would be rather difficult to accomplish in the desert."

With that, Secretary Rumsfeld turned on his heels to leave the room. As he stepped out the door, he turned his head to remark over his shoulder, "Four hours of the Extended Triangle Standing Yoga Pose? I've done that pose for ten hours at a time! What's the problem?"

Posted by James Cook at 6:22 AM. # (permalink)




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